A common tradition among many religions is to say some sort of thanks to their god for the food which people eat. As with participation in holiday services at churches, people who might otherwise never bother with "saying grace" the rest of the year can suddenly feel the urge to do so during the holidays in front of the rest of the family. This might occur either when you are visiting relatives in their homes, or even when they are visiting you in yours. What do you do?
First, we must consider that there is more than one fashion in which people might say grace. The principle division which is most relevant here is along the line of whether you are expected to actively participate in the ritual, or if you can simply remain silent while others go about their business. Commonly, participation may include repeating a refrain in the prayer or simply joining hands with others. The form of the prayer should influence how you react.
If you're in someone else's home, it's wisest to remember that they make the rules, and any open objection to any prayer would be justifiably regarded as rude. It's their home, their table and their food - if they want to pray over it, let them. Maintain self-respect by simply keeping your hands on the table, eyes open and head held high. If they're praying like they're supposed to, they won't even know.
If you are in your own home, you of course make the rules - you may feel free to start the meal without pausing for prayers of any sort. Unfortunately, this may cause hard feelings, and you'll have to decide if it's worth it. Among family, it's probably not. So, you can either allow a relative to say a religious prayer at your table, or you can say something yourself - something secular and devoid any religious overtones, but acknowledging the value of nature and the human effort which has gone into bringing both food and family to this occasion.
But what if they expect you to participate, for example by joining hands? That's quite a bit more difficult, and your response will depend upon the familial politics you find yourself in. For some, it may be fine to simply refrain from participating and let those on either side reach across you to join hands with each other. For others, it is probably best to join hands but nevertheless keep you eyes open and head up. If you're among friends and not family, it may be much more reasonable to simply refuse any participation, even with holding hands.
In the end, no one has the right to expect you to participate, even slightly, in their religious rituals - even in their homes. Those engaging in the ritual make no real concession if you do not participate with them. The question becomes: does the situation merit, to you, that you make the sole concession by participating in any fashion? Personal concessions for the sake of preserving good feelings are usually more important in families than among acquaintances, thus holding hands will often be more reasonable with family than in any other group.
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